Why, you ask, have I picked this topic for an article? Because these are the things that I would want my child to think about before his first trip to a new duck club. I realize as I write it that the subconscious mind may be creating a self defense treatise on how I would like future guests at my own clubs to act. It is amazing how many people go to a venerable old duck club for a hunting trip, and instead of developing a relationship, they develop a reputation. The former is highly desirable, the latter is certainly not to be cultivated. I have collected the following thoughts over several years of being a member of different duck clubs in the Mississippi Delta, and being a guest on some truly fabulous hunts at other clubs.

Every duck hunting club is its own little sub-culture of taboos and idiosyncrasies. Some clubs are steeped in tradition and rituals, and others are decidedly no-nonsense. The culture of the club has a lot to do with how guests will be perceived. However, if you follow these guidelines, you should keep yourself in pretty good standing for a return visit no matter what the culture of the club.

1) Wise Men Come Bearing Gifts. Every girl who is going to finishing school knows that when you are invited to party, you don’t dare show up without a hostess gift. The same principle applies even to that most manly sport of duck hunting. It might be a simple box of shells, a rack of ribs or a similar item, but you need to show your gratitude for someone inviting you into their hunting society.

Assume that you are going to the most ritzy duck club in the known world. Even if the members don’t know it, that club needs 3 things: paper towels, toilet paper, and bottled water. Think about your own club and what you always run low on during the season. Those 3 items will always be on the list. So, don’t leave home without them as a guest. In most working clubs, it will be greatly appreciated. In the ultra ritzy clubs, if nothing else, you can slide them into the kitchen for the staff. They know the score, and the members listen to them. And now, the staff thinks you are a swell thoughtful guy.

2) Think Like a Boy Scout. The Scout motto is “Do a good turn daily.” This is the perfect mentality of the duck hunter who becomes a “desired guest.” When outside the clubhouse, grab a sack of decoys and start lugging it to the boat without being asked. Always help take up the decoys, but always ask your host how HE would like the decoys set out. Always pitch in to clean the ducks, and clean your host’s ducks unless he stops you or they use a picking service. If they use a picking service, offer to pay for it.

I have never been to a duck club that did not have an automatic dishwasher. The way I look at it, the dishwasher is automatically me. It is the least that I could do since someone else cooked the meal for me. Someone who stands around with an air of expectation makes a crummy guest. Someone who is pro-active in making the hunt easier for the host and/or staff goes a long way to making himself a repeat customer. The point is, don’t just stand around.

3) If You Don’t Know Your Audience, Don’t Play the Fool. As mentioned above, every duck club is different. Some of them are straight blue blood in tradition, and some of them are totally stuck in the “ruthless harvesting” mode. Thus, for them, anything legal is fine. However, most clubs have taboos. The most common taboos in hunting clubs across the United States are shooting hens, especially hen mallards, shooting ducks on the water, and shooting before the shot is called. The fastest way that I can think of to become persona non grata in a lot of the fine clubs I have been invited to hunt is to “water whack” any duck, especially a hen. Therefore, it does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that you should never, ever water shoot a duck, or take an avoidable shot at a hen at a club where you are a guest unless you already know the club policy. You can never go wrong by not shooting hens or passing up sitting ducks, no matter what the club. If they are straight out of the Duck Commander videos, let someone ELSE shoot the hen. Out of deference to your host, never shoot until the shot is called, or your host shoots, unless they tell you otherwise. When you get to the blind, you should always ask, “Who will call the shot?” Then you look like a thoughtful hunter, which is always a good characteristic of a guest whom the club would like to come back.

4) Do Not Take The Best Spot in the Blind. Always remember that while you are getting to share in the fun of the hunt, you did not pay the initiation fee, the dues or the yearly assessment. Therefore, you should defer to those who have. The best spot in the blind is almost always the far left end as you sit in the blind and look out towards the decoys. This is because a right handed shooter can shoot much more easily from a stationary to his left. It is much more difficult to shoot to the right. Therefore, you should NEVER take this spot as a guest unless your host tells you to sit there. The center seats are typically less desirable since the shooter has less of a field of fire without pointing a gun across the face of another shooter, which is a profound safety violation. Always give a left handed shooter the right hand corner if they want it. If you are not told where to sit, grab the spot adjacent to the right hand corner of the blind. If hunting out of a boat, ask where you should sit. On many occasions I have seen members hard at work setting decoys while a guest goes sprinting off to grab what they perceive to be the best spot in the blind. This behavior is beyond gauche, and should be avoided like the plague for anyone who hopes to get a spot on the return visit list.

5) Travel Light. You love your stuff. I hear you. I love my stuff, too. However, there is no law that says that you have to take your boat, 4 wheeler, decoys, dog kennel, spot lights and everything else with you as a guest. Many hunters will tell you from experience that it is depressing to pick up a guest for a trip and then spend an hour trying to wrestle all the guest’s gear into some semblance of order to get it to the camp. Never show up with your dog without asking first. If you think about it, what else do you really need other than your clothes, parka, waders, wading bag and gun? The safe play is to ask your host beforehand, “What do I need to bring?” Then bring what they tell you, and not much else.

6) Resist the Urge to Run the Show. Every now and then, we all like to strut our stuff. You know, show we can “walk the walk” in addition to “talk the talk.” However, a hunting trip as a guest is probably not the best time to demonstrate your skills as a duck hunting “air traffic controller.” No one likes a know-it-all. The key things to remember here are to let your host make the important decisions on where to hunt, what decoy placement and blocks to use. Also, keep your duck call in your pocket. Unless, of course, you are asked to help with the calling. In many clubs, especially in Arkansas, it is considered rude to just pull out your call and start cranking out greetings. Sort of like, “Mr. Host, your calling is not getting it done, let me take over.” Whatever you do, resist the urge to offer “constructive criticism” or unsolicited dog training tips for someone else’s dog. In the Deep South, those are “fighting words.”

7) Don’t Let the Firewater Burn You. Many duck clubs have a “social hour” in the evening. The social hour often lasts more than an hour. This is all well and good, but try not to let the social hour get out of hand. You would hate to miss the best hunt of the season because of a vicious hangover. It is no fun to sit in a frozen marsh at 5:00 a.m. when even your teeth are throbbing. It is not the safest thing in the world to mix hangovers and shotguns, either. Pitching a bender does not make a tremendous impression on your hosts, even if they started pitching it with you. Plus, if you have ever had to clean out a bathroom after a guest was unable to “hold his liquor,” it will change forever the way you look at the pre-hunt “festivities.” Trust me.

8)Always Take Care of the Staff. If you are invited to a club which has guides and household staff, by all means tip them. They will remember who the “good guys” are when the discussions role around to a potential empty spot in the blind on closing weekend. Always treat the staff with the same courtesy and dignity you would expect to be treated with if you were in their position. In particular, it never hurts to have the club guides think you are a great guy. You always seem to end up in the best spots if they like you. Sometimes it makes you go, hmmm........

9) Remember the Golden Rule. This one is pretty simple. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This maxim has been around for over 2,000 years. It will take you far in both life and duck hunting. Or put another way, “Strive to be the person that your dog thinks that you are.” Simple, huh?

10) Always Return the Favor. Any good Junior Auxiliary hostess will tell you that when a social invitation is extended, it should be reciprocated in short order. This is one of the benchmark principles of how polite individuals conduct themselves in our society. These concepts apply no less to the field sports like duck hunting. Even if you only have access to a 10 square yard flooded cabbage patch next to the interstate, you should offer to take your host hunting at the earliest opportunity. Even if they never accept, or even acknowledge the offer, you would have made the point that you are a sportsman, and not merely an opportunist. Everyone likes a sportsman; opportunists are tolerated at best.